A captive set free; by the Love of Christ I am no longer in chains!! My life was a dry and desolate land but God has turned it to be like the Garden of Eden (Ezekiel 36:34-36).
Sought healing from: Childhood sexual abuse
Why did you seek healing?
At 38 years old I thought I had everything I needed: an incredible family, I was active in the church, served youth and I’d taught Bible study for 20 years. Accept that I often found myself feeling frustrated, angry and unsatisfied. I noticed I would observe the way others loved and were loved and felt like I could never have that.
After some digging, I realized that, though I thought I’d put it behind me, the sexual abuse I experienced in my childhood was still severely affecting my life. My husband likened it to being a robot: cold, lifeless and incapable of feeling. I refused to love or be loved by anyone. I didn’t deserve love. I was afraid of love. Initially, I’d tried to fill that void by focusing on my achievements, becoming obsessed with good grades, music and athletic accomplishments. When that left me still feeling unsatisfied and empty, I turned to self-destruction in the form of alcohol, sex and an eating disorder.
How did it help you?
Finally, I cried out to God. I needed Him to help and I needed Him to help me even care about helping myself. Through the influence of new church leaders, much Bible Study, a friend (accountability partner) and, especially the power of God, I was able to face this horrible experience head on. I learned to forgive my perpetrator and forgive myself. The wall that was keeping me from truly living life and learning to express emotions was brought to light and ultimately torn down.
What are you doing with it?
Since my healing, I’ve been leading sexual abuse support groups, speaking at women’s retreats and meeting with abused women one-on-one. I’m honored to serve as the Eve Center’s Executive Director where I’m committed to promoting emotional, relational, and Spiritual healing to women who have experienced sexual abuse, as well as other past trauma.
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